My New-Found Imperialistic Fanhood

When you grow up as a sports fan, your team is always "the good guys." Its usually a case where you root for a regional team that all your buddies/family root for as well. And so, given that sphere of influence, subjectivity tends to reign in sports conversations. You grow up having heated discussions on the school bus about how the rival team is evil. And you overhear older family members chatting about how our team is filled with the good guys who champion the cause of "good," whatever that is in the world of sports.

This was true for me, at least.

I grew up a fan of Alabama Football and, in MLB, the Atlanta Braves (like every other kid in the deep south) and Boston Red Sox (randomly grew into being a big Wade Boggs fan... I like to pretend the Yankee years never happened). Yes, I realize that being a fan of two MLB teams makes me a sports bigamist. I came about it honestly though, so don't lump me in with the rest of those soul-less scoundrels of my generation who grew up fans of Florida State, the Dallas Cowboys, and the Chicago Bulls.

I'm embracing the hate with my new mentor

Well, now I'm an adult, and my favorite sports franchises are no longer the good guys. I root for the bad guys now. At least that's what the media keeps telling me.

This wasn't necessarily true 5 years ago. Alabama had just done the right thing and fired Head Coach Mike Price for his reckless decision to sleep with a stripper while on a recruiting trip. And the Boston Red Sox were like that guy Trent talks about in Swingers: "the PG-13 guy that everybody's REALLY hoping makes it happen." Except they couldn't make it happen, losing to the Yankees once again.

But now, in 2008, I root for the Evil Empires. In the 4 years since the 2003 ALCS failure, the Red Sox have won 2 World Series titles. And because Americans everywhere jumped on the bandwagon & embraced Red Sox fever after the '04 ALCS comeback, profiteers seized the opportunity to flood the culture with everything "Red Sox". ESPN inundated sports fans with nothing but talk of "the Yanks & the SAWX," as ESPN's Michael Wilbon is accustomed to saying. There was even a movie. Used to be that Red Sox fans framed their rivalry with the Yankees like a Star Wars movie: Steinbrenner was the Emperor, various characters were Darth Vader, and the highlight clips of the Yankees' inevitable march through the postseason could be played to John Williams' "Imperial March" musical theme. That sentiment has completely reversed now, though, with the Red Sox on top.

Nick Saban photographed in his iron lung pajama's

My Crimson Tide has the same hated, "imperialistic" feel. Alabama's head coach is now Nick Satan, the representation of everything that is wrong with coaches in contemporary society. Apparently, upward mobility was abolished in America. Who knew? Be on alert, readers: if you take a job that is more personally gratifying and that pays more, you too could be vilified.

You can't watch a Dolphins or Alabama football game without laboriously listening to a conversation between a wanna-be Keith Jackson broadcaster & some has-been coach/player color analyst that concerns either (1) Saban's now false statement to the media in his final days in Miami, or (2) Nick Saban's 4 million dollar per year contract. And it is BEYOND clear that the two individuals engaging in said conversation either (1) are offended that Coach Saban lied to a fellow media member ("Solidarity, Brother!") or (2) are simply jealous.

Nevertheless, it is what it is. So since Satan is our head coach, I've heard it all. We cheat on the field, break the rules on the recruiting trail, have no sense of cultural perspective (e.g. the Saban 9/11 & Pear Harbor remarks), are a win at all costs people, have no soul, etc. Nobody likes us.

Emperor Belichick

And since I don't particularly have a favorite NFL team (I typically root for the team that has the most prominent former Alabama player), I've acquired a taste for the New England Patriots. Talk about a guy who looks like Emperor Palpatine! Bill Belichick is a dead-ringer for that guy! You could probably fairly criticize me for being a front-runner here. But I like them because I feel like I'm rooting for Nick Saban's big brother in coaching (FYI: Nick Saban was once an assistant coach under Bill Belichick). They're cheaters. They have no class. They have the poster-boy of me-first sports prima donna's: Randy Moss. What is there NOT to hate here? And yet, I enjoy watching them & rooting for them.

I'm slowly learning to appreciate this turn of events, though. Rooting for the "nasty boys" of the sports world is kinda fun. My guys are now kind of like that other guy Trent talks about in Swingers: "like that guy in the Rated R movie -- the guy you're not sure whether or not you like yet. You're not sure where he's coming from." There's even a slight psychological advantage in terms of the other team being intimidated, whether that takes the form of Saban's blitz schemes, Josh Beckett's fastball, or that lethal Brady/Moss connection.

Heck, even my country is looking more & more imperialistic. "It is useless to resist, Iraqi citizens..."

I say long live the Empires.

What Should I Have Done?

I'm a total chicken. Allow me to explain.

Early in the evening this past Saturday, I was about to return home from running a few errands. Not without stopping by Starbucks to grab a sweet tea. (OF COURSE!) As I was pulling in to the parking lot, I was taking great care because there was a weathered-looking caucasian man in a trench coat who could have walked into my path. He didn't, and so I turned in, parked, & walked on in.

As I stood in line, I noticed that the man I noticed on the street walked in & stood in line behind me. Without trying to be too obvious, I at least noticed that this fellow probably wasn't wealthy. As I stepped to the register & placed my order, it hit me that this was a great opportunity to spontaneously pay it forward in terms of God's grace.

I looked back again to see this guy holding 2 or 3 One Dollar bills in his fist. I panicked. "Should I tell the young lady at the register that I would cover the guy behind me? Would that make a scene? Would I embarrass or offend this guy? Isn't it the right thing to do? Is it???" The moment passed, along with the opportunity.

Given my natural personality, I tend to analyze what to do or say before doing or saying it rather than doing or saying whatever and dealing with the consequences. I handicapped my decision-making ability with too much information -- "paralysis by analysis." I don't offer that as an excuse as much as I do a partial explanation for why I acted the way I did in that situation.

Another way to look at it: I choked. I can't shake that guilty feeling that I knew "good to do and (did) not do it" (James 4:17). And I think that speaks volumes.

We were just reading John 5 at a Bible Study last night, and we came across & made a big deal out of verse 6. Jesus noticed the lame man, obviously felt compassion for him, and then acted on that. It's debatable given his omniscience (and, as follows, his ability to plan out everything), but it appears that Jesus was able to show kindness spontaneously.

We saw what I did. We saw what Jesus did. What would you have done? What should I have done? What can you share with me to help me respond better in a similar moment in the future?

Poor Auburn...

Even Google reminds them of their inferiority. 1 National Championship to 12 for Alabama.

Click on the cropped image below to see the full-size image:

Grin & Colbert it...

Ok, one final video of Stephen Colbert's 434-part series, "Better Know a District." Today, former candidate Rich Sexton, who unsuccessfully ran against incumbent & current Republican Representative of New Jersey's 3rd District, Jim Saxton.

Enjoy!

More Colbert

More of Colbert's 434-part series, "Better Know a District."

But first, here's a review of Stephen Colbert's book, I'm America (And So Can You!), by one of my favorite Protestant scholars, Ben Witherington III. I think I'm gonna go buy that book on impulse now.

Alright. Today, Congress-woman Eleanor Holmes Norton of the District of Columbia. FYI, she's allowed to participate in debates and fully participate in committees & vote in them, but she is not allowed to vote on actual bills & referendums when the House votes.

Enjoy!

Part 1


Part 2

Colbert Returns!

Get Ready, America!

My very favorite political pundit returns Monday, January 7th. Stephen Colbert is crossing the picket lines to resume filming new episodes the best television program in the history of the Milky Way Galaxy, The Colbert Report (both T's are silent). Just in time for the New Hampshire primaries! I'll have no 24 & no new visits to The Office. But at least I'll have my man Stephen back to tell me what to think about the world & its news. This Presidential campaign will be a lot more fun with him around again.

In honor of his return, I'll be posting my favorite Colbert videos this weekend. They each come from Colbert's 434-part series, "Better Know a District." Today, Congressman Robert Wexler of Florida's 19th District. Make sure you hear him tell Colbert what "fun things" he likes to do...

Reality Imitates Art

My favorite movie of all-time is The Shawshank Redemption. There is even evidence of this fact in an old blog entry, as well as other Shawshank thoughts that I've peppered throughout other entries.

If you haven't seen it yet, I'm not going to apologize for giving away one of the major plot points. The warden commits suicide by putting a gun to his throat & shoowing himself through the head right before he is about to be arrested. One of the more memorable lines of the movie is delivered by Morgan Freeman's character, "Red," as he narrates the aftermath of the warden's suicide:

Red: I'd like to think that the last thing that went through his head, other than that bullet, was to wonder how the hell Andy Dufresne ever got the best of him.

OK, now that you're aware of that, you may or may not remember that my old college room-mate & blogosphere buddy, Jordan, wrote about an eerily familiar prison break. Well, the story took a tragic twist. The prison guard named in the escape note committed suicide.

Nevertheless, I found a little humor in a couple of lines, perhaps ill-spoken or ill-written, in the CNN report:

"Everything I understand, he did nothing wrong," said attorney Michael J. Mitzner, who spoke to Zurick [the former guard] on Monday. "It's hard to know what goes through someone's head."

Mitzner did not have Zurick's cause of death.

I think I know the cause of death... (G)