My name is Philip Cunningham, and I'm a control freak. Perhaps there are worse things in the world to be (like "serial rapist"), but control freak is shameful enough. I like to be in control. I enjoy steering the ship, and feel a certain degree of anxiety when I'm not. I like winning games & competitive events, and feel a great degree of frustration when those competitions don't go the way I want them to. I most certainly AM a control freak.
Today was an especially trying day for this control freak. I often meet with a group of ministry friends every Monday morning. This morning, I spent the entire morning waiting to discover when we would meet, only to find out that we would not be meeting. I was in the middle of an on-line game this afternoon when my phone rang & someone knocked on the door at the same time, forcing me to end my game. Then, when trying to prepare dinner, we were delayed TWICE. I had made a list of groceries to prepare dinner with this week, and we had to make two extra trips to the store today because Dad forgot to pick up groceries on the list. A series of events like that make for a trying day for me. Right now, I'm unsettled & stressed.
Being a control freak manifests itself in a variety of other ugly ways in my life. Without being too specific, you could imagine that Christianity doesn't work too well when you're butting heads with God as to who is steering the ship. Prayer has always been more difficult for me, I sense, than others.
I write here about it because I'm hoping for a little catharsis as I try to settle down to sleep. And if anybody has any friendly encouragement for this control freak, I welcome it.
Remember My Chains
2 months ago