Sunday, October 15, 2006

Power 12: "The Apostolics"

Just like Jesus picked a top 12 of all his disciples, I'm picking the top 12 of the college football landscape.

1. Ohio State -- John. This is the team whom the pollsters love. However, their win at Iowa is looking less impressive as the Hawkeyes lost to Indiana ... in football.

2. Michigan -- James. James & John were the "Sons of Thunder," and the Wolverines are on a collision course to meet the Buckeyes at the end of the season in a clash of the titans. I'll also point out here that I put Michigan #2 last week, and now the AP Poll agrees with me this week. Just goes to show the level of my influence over the world of college football ...

3. West Virginia -- Thomas, because everyone's doubting them. And perhaps they have some holes on defense, but who cares when their offense is so stinking good?!

4. Texas -- Andrew, who was the first-named Apostle. And I'm naming the Longhorns first among all the teams with one loss.

5. Auburn -- Judas Iscariot. Because I don't like them. Just like Judas. And I hope that their insides burst & their entrails pour out all over Bryant-Denny Stadium in about a month. The Tigers' defense isn't nearly as dominant as it has been in the last couple seasons. However, their offense is near unstoppable when it's on. Problem is that their offense hasn't clicked on that often this season -- they've scored 1 offensive touchdown in their last two games against Arkansas & Florida. So, Auburn may be the most beatable team among the 12. However, they've found crafty ways to beat two athletically superior teams, so I gotta give 'em their prop's.

6. Notre Dame -- Peter, because the Irish are Catholic & Peter was their first Pope. Plus, whenever Jesus decided to start calling Simon "Rocky," I imagine Simon Peter's friends started snickering -- just like you are right now because you think I've fallen into the "over-rating the Irish" trap. This team has looked awful at times, but incredible at others. They are #3 among the once-beatens by virtue that their loss was to Michigan, plus they do have at least one mildly impressive win on their resume (Georgia Tech). Perhaps over-rated, but at least they have a dependable QB, which is more than the next three schools can say.

7. Florida -- Jude. Both hard to figure out. At times, Jude is straight forward. And then he goes and references Enoch & Bell and the Dragon. Florida looks great at times. And then sometimes they disappear, like in the first half against Alabama & in the second half at Auburn this past Saturday.

8. Tennessee -- Bartholomew/Nathanael. "Can anything good come out of Knoxville?" Apparently so, at least when David Cutcliffe coordinates the offense. Will be fun to see him & Alabama defensive coordinator Joe Kines duke it out this Saturday.

9. Southern Cal -- Simon the Zealot. Just as Simon zelously desired to overthrow Roman rule, I urge everyone to band together & overthrow this silly BCS system that has the Trojans BLATANTLY over-rated at #2. Apparently, just squeaking by Arizona State at home earns you tons of respect. Guess what people? Carson Palmer isn't walking through that door. Matt Leinart isn't walking through that door. Reggie Bush isn't walking through that door. USC has talent, but they aren't a good team right now. And quite simply, I don't think they could beat any of the above eight teams right now.

10. Clemson -- Philip, who wanted Jesus to show him the Father (John 14:8-21). I want Clemson to show me more. They lost a squeaker early, beat a bad FSU squad, and appear to be the best of the ACC. They have a phenomenal offense, but they need to show me more. They'll have their chance to do just that this weekend at home versus Georgia Tech, as well as next week in Blacksburg, at Virginia Tech.

11. LSU -- Matthew, who borrowed a bunch of the material of his Gospel from Mark. LSU is living right now on a borrowed reputation from their former coach, who is now in the NFL. LSU has tons of talent, but unfortunately for them this season, whereas they have come up big in the small games, they have come up small in the big games.

12. Louisiville -- James, son of Alpheus. What do we know about him? What do we know about Louisville? This weekend they barely beat Cincinnati. AT home. In serious danger of falling out of my Power 12. They will earn points, major points, in my book if, and only if, they manage to beat the Mountaineers.

Waiting list (Matthias ... waiting for someone to "drop"): Georgia Tech, Nebraska, Cal, Wisconsin, Rutgers, Arkansas.

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