Tuesday, March 18, 2008

The Singleness Update

Now there's a catchy title! (G) No, this is not a public diary. Just some interesting reading that I've waded through in the last month. Both articles appear to be aimed more at women, and both are quite lengthy. But this single guy took away some insight from both. Most articles on singleness have very little substance; I found these to have at least a modicum of wisdom.

• Lori Gottlieb makes "The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough" in Atlantic Monthly. All I gotta say is, "Amen sister!" Preach it from the roof-tops! (G)

The whole idea of "settling" is very unpopular from all angles in any conversation about romantic relationships. However, she makes a spirited attempt at selling it. And, of course, it being in Atlantic Monthly means it's well-written. If nothing else, it is a fun & entertaining read.

• The other article that stood out to me recently also had to do with finickiness. Shana Schutte made the case for chucking the mate shopping list to allow room for God to surprise you.

I have a friend & mentor who lives in Arkansas who argues vehemently for the list. She makes a strong case as well. I won't post her lengthy rebuttals here, but if you're interested enough to want to read the opposing viewpoint, hit me with an E-mail and I'll forward her writing on over to you.


Luke said...

I think my wife settled for Mr. Good enough.
She must like that argument.

Mad Rappin EW said...

I somewhat agree with her article but not to the extreme of "settling". I agree that expecting your future mate to line up with a long shopping list is dumb and selfish. But I do think there should be 2 or 3 qualities about a person you are looking for, not necessarily because you should be looking for people that you feel have those most important qualities but more because if you don't know what it is that you value most in that significant someone you probably don't know who you are and who God is calling you to be. It's far more important to be the person God wants you to be than to find the person. Even if you find the right person if you're not the right person I believe the relationship is doomed to fail at some point because you will be continually significantly changing who you are and thus may not be the person they want you to be and she may not be the person you really want any more. I believe that if we yearn to seek God's purpose in our lives and continually strive to put God first, others second and self last that we eventually (with patience) become more attractive to others and God answers our prayers in due time. For me that meant going 3 or 4 months on a somewhat fast of girls - meaning not considering dating anyone, not trying to impress girls and not lusting over girls. It was through this experience that was able to have a clear mind and I found who God is calling me to be and it just so happened that I found my now future wife that I'm marrying in 3 months.