Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Oh the Thrill

If you're a girl, I'm just gonna go ahead & say that this might not be the blog entry for you. It could possibly gross you out. Don't say that I didn't warn ya...

I've never been one that is fond of bathrooms. I know that there are men who like to sit on their throne. I'm just not one of them. I prefer to get in, get out, & get on with my life. Its just not the most comfortable place in the home for me to read a magazine.

Plus, there are all the rules. I don't know why, but women rule in the realm of the bathroom. Men have to remember to put the seat back down all the time. Why can't it be that women have to remember to put the seat back up for us men?

I have to think that these discomforts have contributed to what I've just recently discovered as a joy in my life: outdoor urination. For the longest time, I couldn't really explain exactly why the simple act of peeing outside makes me happy. But after mulling it over, I think I have some good explanations.

Pee Outside Sign
Pee X-ing
For one, I'm not wasting water. According to PeeOutside.org, a single flush uses 3 gallons of water. I recognize this, and I feel good about my conservationist ways.

Also, it's quicker. To go indoors, you have to go to the bathroom, close the door, turn on the fan, pull up the seat, unzip the fly, unleash the flow, possibly clean up any mis-aimed mess, flush, put the seat down, turn off the fan, and finally you're done. When going outdoors, it is much more simple. And I think I'm just a simple kind of man.

As for other upsides for peeing outdoors, I found this on a random blog that came up in my in-depth research:

I have an adult psychologist friend who found that peeing around the yard helped to keep off the stray dogs

Not a bad benefit.

To be completely frank, though, I think that a large part of the appeal is the thrill of doing something totally against generally accepted norms of 21st century civilization. It is similar to the thrill of eating something that was cooked over a fire instead of in an oven. We enjoy it almost more than the novelty itself would really warrant. And I believe this is so because it is an affirmation that our lives are sometimes unnecessarily complex. We wish for them to be more simple. And if a small, insignificant activity like urinating outdoors can make us feel liberated from all that hems us in -- even if only for a fleeting moment -- then ladies who didn't heed my warning: let us enjoy the tinge of joy we get from the call of nature.

Finally, I leave you with this. It was the funniest thing I read in my Yahoo! research tonight... a comment left on a blog about peeing outdoors...

That is how we made a breakthrough in potty training our son: we asked him to go water the tree in our yard. And it stuck, a little too well. It was a while before we convinced him that there were only certain trees he could pee on.


Anonymous said...

peeing in the snow is what i consider to be the premium version of peeing outside.

Jordan said...

I think the tell tale item in this post is that you did research on the subject... wow.

Anonymous said...

I have a good friend who discovered he can pee outside even when people are around. How? He acts like he is checking the tires of his car and then (this requires wearing shorts) crouches down and pees out the leg of his shorts. We call peeing outside "checking the tires."

III said...

I'm not sure how you manage drippage that way. But more power to him.

I'm not that exhibitionist about it. This is definitely something I do in private. Even if I'm on the golf course, its not like I can't wait to go pee in the woods with other guys around -- I'll usually use the facilities in between holes.

The things we do & do not talk about... this is a cultural phenomenon

James said...

This is crazy -- by far one of my favorite posts.

I needed a good laugh. Thank you!!! And, i did check the website on facebook.

Anonymous said...

Matt, I would be very interested to know (for scholastic purposes only, of course) how your friend manages this amazing feat of peeing out of his shorts leg... how in the world wouldn't you just go all over yourself? i could see unzipping the fly and going for speed, but out of the shorts leg?? Very impressive, indeed.